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These topics may seem like strange bedfellows, but trust me: there's a method to my madness. Originally this was going to be part of my Berlin summit post, but as I was writing it got rather long and I started to feel it was important enough to deserve a standalone post. Since there are two separate but related topics here, I've split the post. If you're interested in my technical thoughts on upstream performance testing, read on. If you're only interested in the click-baity release-shaming part, feel free to skip to that section. It mostly stands on its own.